Beautiful heart, I’d like to offer a simple shift to help you strengthen your inner wisdom. let’s talk about the word should; you see, should is one of those words that gets us tangled up in knots. We tell ourselves we “should” do certain things even when our soul is kicking and screaming against the idea. Maybe we worry what others will think, or that not doing a certain thing means we’re selfish, lazy, or just plain bad.

Should versus our inner knowing.

Should is often the prison door that locks away our inner knowing in an airless cell where we’re no longer able to hear it. Our relationship to our inner wisdom grows fainter, and before we know it, we’re living a life where we feel trapped much of the time as well.

The definition of should.

The definition of should is: must, or ought (meaning there’s an idea of duty, or propriety, or suggests an advantage or advisability). Should masquerades as a “have-to” but it is quite different from a “have-to.” As my husband likes to say, “You have to be careful with should because before you know it you should all over yourself.”

Sometimes “shoulds” feel like “have-tos.” After deeper consideration we realize we have a choice. Maybe you feel like you should go to a certain event, for example, but you don’t really want to. Are outside forces dragging you there? Or are you the one making the choice?   

Should and the “shackles on” feeling of obligation.

In her book, Steering by Starlight, Martha Beck writes, “we know something aligns with our destiny, or soul’s purpose, if it makes us feel free.” She offers a simple test: notice if we have a “shackles on” or “shackles off” feeling when we think about a person, place, activity, or thing. If you get a “shackles on” feeling, where you feel trapped or obligated, then that thing is not serving your highest good. 

Whenever we say yes to something because we feel we should, even though we know in our hearts it’s not right for us, we keep ourselves solidly handcuffed in the “shackles on” feeling. We disempower ourselves ourselves in the process by muting and disqualifying our inner wisdom. Yet we can just as easily remove the shackles anytime, since we are the ones who put them on in the first place.

Reclaim your power with this simple shift.

How do we unravel the trap of the word “should?” By replacing “should” with “I choose to.” When we choose to do something instead of feeling obligated or allowing ourselves to be coerced into doing something that causes the shackles on feeling, we reclaim our power to shape our lives the way we wish them to be. We bring our inner knowing to the forefront of our decision-making, so that every decision is in alignment with our core needs and values. We fortify our inner strength and energy reserves in the process.

Test it out for yourself. Doesn’t it feel more liberating to say, “I choose to go to bed early tonight” rather than, “I should go to bed early tonight?” Don’t you feel like you’re steering your own ship when you say, “I choose to volunteer in my daughter’s classroom this week” rather than, “I should volunteer in my daughter’s classroom?”

Each time we do something because we make a conscious choice, we strengthen our bond with our internal guidance. The next time you feel cornered or trapped by the “shackles on” feeling, remember you have the power to say no, and watch how light-hearted and relieved you feel as the shackles suddenly drop away. 

Ready for the Next Step?

Would you like more tips on how to create a peaceful, powerful, joyful life? Sign up for our newsletter HERE and receive your copy of the 5 Minutes To Serenity Guide, powerful practices you can use anytime to reset your mind and feel peaceful within minutes.