I have an embarrassing confession to make: For most of my life I’ve been a pusher. Not in the sense of pressuring others into using illicit substances, but driving myself to accomplish as much as possible and use every second productively. I don’t think I’m alone. Ask a friend how they’re doing and the typical response is,”I’m so busy,” as if it’s a good thing. Constant busy-ness, what I like to call The Busy-ness Lifestyle,  has become the new cultural norm. But is the busy-ness actually good for us or are we simply driving ourselves crazy?

As a self-employed working parent, I lived in a state of perpetual busyness for years. Running a business and raising my daughter meant I had to up my efficiency and make every moment count. Anytime I had a few spare moments I felt like I had to put them to good use. Waiting to pick up my daughter from school? Throw up a new post on social media; it’s good for my business! Stuck in traffic? Why not quickly respond to a text?

The Allure of The Busy-ness Lifestyle

The Busy-ness Lifestyle makes alluring promises: stay busy and you’ll get ahead and be successful! Run around faster and you’ll finish everything on your to do list… won’t that feel good? While you’re at it, pack more activities into your kids’ lives, too, so they will grow up to be well-rounded, cultured people who get into the best schools and have happy lives. But the Busy-ness Lifestyle isn’t sustainable, and it’s taking a huge toll on our health and well-being.

Kids and teens are suffering most of all. Gone are the days when it was okay to run around with the other neighborhood kids and play in the grass. Now they’re signed up for all the right activities that guarantee a bright-shiny future. Which means they are stressed out, over-programmed, and under continual pressure to be the best at everything and win the game of life. Is it any wonder mental health issues are at an all-time high? 

It’s not really any great surprise. Our nervous systems were not designed to live in panic mode 24-7. The drive to stay perpetually busy keeps us in a continual state of fight or flight. Doing so taxes our nervous system, which responds by flooding the body with cortisol, the body’s stress hormone. Too much cortisol in the body causes headaches, digestive issues, heart damage and weight gain.

How The Busy-ness Lifestyle Impacts Our Health

Eventually I realized that pushing myself to do more didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel good. I was anxious, on edge, and I had trouble falling asleep. Sometimes I felt like I was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, trapped in a locked room with a bunch of nasty monkeys, watching time run out as grains of sand slipped through a glass timer.

My health suffered. I put on weight, even though I was exercising regularly. I was also anemic. I never felt rested. I even had occasional heart palpitations and panic attacks.

These physical symptoms were troubling, but our mental health takes the greatest hit of all. We have trouble falling asleep. Maybe we sleep but we never feel rested. Our bodies and minds never relax. Anxiety and depression hangover us like a cloud.

ARE YOU READY TO START FEELING BETTER?

If you’re suffering from any of these symptoms, read on.  I made a few simple changes and soon felt better than I had in a long time. You can do the same. Your body and mind will return to balance and the dark clouds will disperse. 

STEP ONE.  DECIDE YOU ARE READY TO MAKE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE. 

Make a conscious decision to abandon the Busy-ness Lifestyle and give your health and well-being the spotlight for a change. Give yourself permission to slow down, do less, and enjoy life more. 

STEP TWO. ASSESS YOUR SCHEDULE AND ELIMINATE THE THINGS THAT DON’T SERVE YOU.

Now that you’ve decided to do less and enjoy life more, it’s time to take a look at your calendar. You’ll create a more balanced lifestyle by completing this quick busy-ness assessment. By eliminating activities that don’t add to your life you’ll free up more time. Get ready to enjoy a more relaxing, spacious lifestyle. You might even find you have time to say yes to spontaneous fun!

As you review each item on your calendar, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Why am I doing this? What are the benefits for me and/or the other people in my life?
2. When I think about doing this activity, do I get a “shackles on or a shackles off” feeling, as Martha Beck says in her book Finding Your Own North Star. In other words, do I feel joyful, light and free? Or do I feel a tight, shrinking feeling in my gut, like I don’t really want to do this but feel like I  should/ have to/ others might judge me if I don’t?

Remove anything on your calendar that isn’t contributing to your life or creating joy. If it’s something you aren’t able to remove right away, such as volunteer work, set a definite end date and stick to it.

Notice how you feel each time you remove an item from the calendar? Do you feel lighter? More free?

STEP THREE. SCHEDULE SPECIFIC TIMES TO RELAX. 

Yes, we just finished removing things from the calendar. Now we’re going to replace all of that runaround with relaxation. Schedule 3-5 blocks of time, 5-20 minutes each, to relax each week. Add them to your calendar so you stick to the plan, and then relax in whatever way feels good. If you’re not sure how to begin, start by sitting with your eyes closed. Breathe. Slow down each breath. Listen to the sound as it moves in and out of your body. 

Notice how you feel, and then ask yourself what you could do right now to relax and feel better. Maybe it’s whipping up a delicious smoothie, taking a bath, walking in the grass barefoot, or going outside to look at the clouds. Your internal guidance will tell you what to do; then go do it.

STEP FOUR. START YOUR DAY WITH SILENCE.

Give yourself at least 5 minutes every morning to be still and silent. Starting each day in silence is a gentle and natural transition after waking up and getting out of bed. If you live with others this might be a bit of a challenge, so consider waking up a few minutes before everyone else, or creating a special space where you can enjoy quiet time without interruption.

Think of it as a morning sanctuary. This is your time to luxuriate in peacefulness. It’s also an opportune time to tune into your internal guidance. These precious moments of stillness and silence allow us to access our thoughts and internal cues, to hear the desires that arise from the depths of our souls. So often we take our cues from the world around us, doing the things we think we’re supposed to do, or what others tell us we should be doing, rather than asking ourselves what is truly best for us. 

Whether you realize it or not, you have your own unique form of wisdom and guidance, perfectly attuned to you. You may have noticed it in the past, through an intuitive hunch, or a flash of insight. My daughter and I call it The Small, Quiet, Voice, because it’s not as loud as the rest of the noise around us. Even though it’s quiet, it’s strong, and sure, and steady. That’s how you know you’re tuned into the right frequency.

Just like building muscle, your inner guidance gets stronger the more you use it. The process is simple: ask yourself a question, and receive the answer. It may not come right away, but it will come. Relax and trust that the answer will bubble up from within. Be on the lookout, open and ready to receive it. 

Here are some questions you may wish to ask to ask your internal guidance:

1. What is the most loving thing I could do for myself right now?
2. How do I want to feel as I go about my daily life?
3. What does my body need so I can feel good?

You will likely come up with plenty of other questions the more you practice. The most important thing is allowing yourself time and space to get in touch with your own Small, Quiet Voice. After all, there is no one size fits all for how to live life, and your inner guidance knows the exact best next step for you. Ask, and listen. Only you can decipher what is right for you, by paying close attention to the internal cues you receive.

STEP FIVE. NOURISH YOUR HEALTH AND WELL-BEING. 

All of the time you once spent in the car or running from one thing to the next can now be channeled into caring for your health and feeling amazing.

More open space on the calendar means more time for self-care and nourishing your well-being. There’s more time to prepare healthy food, exercise and take care of your body, or enjoy simple pleasures at home, such as baking, art projects, or gardening .

Best of all, by consciously slowing down and savoring life, you’ll naturally feel more relaxed and peaceful.

THE END RESULT: ENJOY A NEW SENSE OF PEACE AND VITALITY.

When you consciously decide to do less and relax more, you will soon notice the positive effects. As your nervous system settles back into balance, your energy, mood, and sleep will improve. So will your overall quality of life. You’ll experience a newfound sense of energy, vitality, and well-being. You may even look and feel younger!

The choice to slow down and enjoy life is yours. You can choose it anytime. You are the architect of your life; you hold the reins. You get to decide how how you want to feel and how you spend your time.

Why not choose well-being instead of overwhelm? Why not decide you’re ready to feel better? Try these simple changes and watch yourself soar.

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