The holidays can be hard; that’s why I wrote A Thinking Woman’s Guide to Staying Sane During the Holidays. Let’s face it, this time of year is not for the faint of heart. In the midst of the frolicking and festivities, you may be dreading the family drama, or feeling oh-so-very alone. You may be grieving the loss of loved ones or feeling rage and resentment toward estranged family or friends…. Or you may be the kind of person who wants everything to be perfect, so you burn yourself out running around, attending to every last detail.

That never ending to-do list we all have gets about 10 times longer, as well. There are gifts to ponder and purchase, special meals to plan and prepare, and a nonstop parade of social gatherings. Those holiday decorations won’t hang themselves, either.

Is it any wonder we feel exhausted and uneasy?

Whether you love them or hate them, the holidays conjure up the best and the worst of our feelings. Chances are you have a strong feelings one way or the other… or maybe a mix of both. But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a better way. This can be the year that you turn it all around and make the holidays meaningful and enjoyable.

Are you doing the holidays or are the holidays doing you?

Most often we think of the holidays in terms of what we don’t want. We don’t want to hear the same tired jokes or political rants from Uncle Larry. We don’t want to feel obligated to spend too much time and money on things that don’t feed our joy, and we definitely don’t want to eat too much. But given all of the time we spend thinking about what we don’t want how often do we take the time to consider what we do want?

This is your year to change it up… through a short, simple process. Are you ready? Let’s do this.

Set intentions

Setting intentions is a lot like entering a final destination in your GPS. If you enter in the wrong address, or no address at all, then you won’t arrive at your desired location. You might just end up in some dark alley instead. When we’re getting ready to travel we craft a plan before we actually travel. We plan and prepare so we have a smooth, enjoyable trip. The same holds true for any other part of life. Setting intentions ahead of time does the same thing as crafting a travel plan, in a fraction of the time.

Set intentions with this 3-step process:

1. Light a candle. Lighting a candle designates this time as special, and helps you connect to a deeper, more sacred part of yourself.
2. Close your eyes. Ask yourself: how do I want to feel during the holidays? What do I see myself doing?
3. Journal your results.

When you get quiet and ask yourself the right questions your answers will come clear. You may even be surprised by some of what bubbles up. But you are your best guide, so trust your inner wisdom.

Clarify what matters most

Make a quick list of everything you typically do during the holidays. Read down the list and consider each item one by one. Which ones light you up? Maybe you love baking cookies, but never seem to have enough time for that, or you might feel like you have to accept every invitation that comes your way “because it’s the holidays.”

Are there any activities on the list that don’t light you up? Maybe even some that you dread? Cross them off the list. Keep only those things that add joy, meaning, and find memories. Give yourself permission to retire the rest. If you’re not sure, try setting it aside for this year and revisit it again next year.

Be honest about your needs

The sense of obligation ratchets up this time of year, with a whole lot of shoulds and have-tos. We tell ourselves, “I should spend the day with family,” or “I always help out at school holiday fundraisers.” Couple that with the idea of holiday spirit and sometimes it’s hard to say no. Before we know it, we end up doing things because we feel like we should, even though we’d really rather not. Or we continue to push ourselves at the expense of our health.

Here is a quick litmus test, courtesy of Martha Beck from her book Steering by Starlight: when you think about doing the thing, do you get a “shackles on” or a “shackles off” feeling? Meaning, do you get a tight, constricted, suffocating, feeling, or is it a relaxed feeling, or joyful excitement?

But these feelings are more than just feelings. Your inner guidance is speaking to you, telling you what’s in alignment with your soul’s deepest desires. Going against these inner promptings is like throwing a wet blanket on the light of your being. The more often you do it, the more you drown out your inner guidance and the dimmer your inner light becomes.

Ask yourself : Do I really want to go to my neighbor’s annual holiday party? And see what comes up. Be brutally honest with yourself. Your happiness and well-being depends on it. Maybe you’d really rather stay home, relax and dive into that new book you’ve been meaning to get to.

Quick MythBuster: More isn’t better. It’s just more.

Examine Your Expectations

You may have some holiday memories you don’t care to repeat. So we brace ourselves ahead of time, preparing for the worst, rather than hoping for the best. We’re sure that a certain person is going to be difficult or drunk (or both) again this year. We know exactly what to expect because it’s always the same. Or is it?  Even if things have gone off the rails in the past, can they ever be different if we decide ahead of time that we know how things will be? If we show up with a negative attitude we’re only further compounding the problem. While we can’t control what others do, we can take responsibility for our own mood and behavior and keep an open mind. (You can also take this one step further with 5 phrases to eliminate from your vocabulary for an anxiety-free holiday).

The things you think and say have a profound effect on the outcome you experience. Don’t believe me? Imagine you’ve been invited to a party. In scenario A, you enter the room thinking about how much you hate parties, wishing you’d worn a different outfit, certain you’re going to feel awkward and have a terrible time. In scenario B, you show up feeling great about yourself, excited to meet new people, wondering what kind of fun the night will hold. Can you see how different the outcomes might be in these two scenarios? Same party. The only thing that’s different is you, and the energy you bring to the mix.

Throughout the holiday season, remember the intentions you set for how how you want to feel during this time. How might things be different if you keep these ideas at the forefront of your mind? Can you also be open to the possibility that you may be pleasantly surprised this year?

Step Up The Self-Care

When we get busy, self-care is often the first thing to go out the window. But it’s a vital part of maintaining our health, energy, and vitality. If we want to look and feel our best, we have to treat our health and well-being like the precious things they are.

Here are a few simple ways to do that:

• Prioritize time for rest. Block out regular relaxation time on your calendar, even if it’s only 10 minutes at a time.

• Exercise regularly. Exercise bolsters our health and immunity. It’s also a natural anti-depressant and sleep regulator. For many of us, it’s a vital part of staying sane, especially during the holidays.

• Get adequate sleep. It’s tempting to stay up late socializing, but we pay a price each time we do. Anytime you throw off your regular sleep schedule, it’s like putting yourself in jet lag. It takes several days to recover. Make sure you get your daily 7–9 hours… your health will thank you for it. So will your skin.

• Turn it all off. It’s easy to get overstimulated with 1 million things going on. But when our nervous system is fried, we are naturally more anxious and on edge. Set aside a few quiet moments first thing in the morning and right before bed.

• Hydrate. Not with champagne, although the effervescence is so festive! Get in your 8X8 (8 cups of water, 8 ounces each). Here’s a quick test to see if you are adequately hydrated: look at your tongue in a mirror. If there’s a crack running down the middle, you need more water.

• Eat nutritious foods before treats. The deliciousness of eggnog, baked goods, and rich foods like brie is real. Problem is, none of them are real healthy. Fill up on nutrient-dense foods first and you’ll avoid overeating the things that are best enjoyed in moderation. Your gut will thank you for it.

Let this year be the year when the holidays are a source of inspiration, joy, and, dare I say it….fun. When you hone your vision for what your ideal holiday looks like, you’re already halfway there. Not only will you stay sane during the holidays, this holiday season might just be one of the greatest gifts you give yourself.

 

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